It's A Dog's Life: Even the Most Intelligent Dogs Know Some Canine Distemper...

Hello, computer world people, wherever in the real world you may be. Welcome to my world. Robbie's the name, doing whatever I want's the game. Maybe you're checking this page out, looking to see the latest thing that Gordon wrote, wondering what this is all about. Well, he can recommend the importance of not going away leaving your signed on computer unattended all he likes - he's just done it himself! "It's only Robbie in the house," he probably thought. "What is he going to do on my signed on and unlocked computer?" Well, dear Gordon, you and a great many other people around this Planet Earth are all just about to find out... (Hee-hee-hee)

I've got to be fair and state that Gordon does give good portions when it comes to my dinner. I just wish he would use a little bit more imagination! Doggy chunks, cheap supermarket gravy and offcuts from the supermarket butcher's counter are great - but 287 nights in a row??? Not that I'm counting, you understand...

Still, I shouldn't say too much, as after I'd supped up here, I nipped out for a quick leg up against his meticulously washed and left to dry fishing rods...

Had a situation last Winter when the people across the road got some sort of security guy in their front garden. Snowman, I think it was they called him. Big, fat, hard looking guy - bigger beer belly even than Gordon's. He kept giving me the evil eye. He had eyes black as coal, stupid looking hat, nose that looked like a carrot and would have definitely stared down a lesser canine than this one. I gave him the major Robbie bark - hard as it gets - and serious eye contact treatment.

The strange thing was, though, that after a few days, the job of looking after the place obviously got to him. Maybe it was the overnight rain one night that affected snowman/hardman: he wasn't half the man the next day and wouldn't even meet my gaze! He didn't hang around long after that but I remember him and if he knows what's good for him, he should remember me...

It's not something I'm in the habit of doing but I can just imagine Gordon's reaction if I barked up to him at 6am that I needed out to go a place. Grumbling, groaning, cursing - certainty. When I barked up to him this particular morning, however, that he should come see the naked chick in the hall, the only cursing was when I heard him fall over the bedclothes in his haste!

Gordon probably thought he was dreaming when he saw this, but this is nothing - you should have seen the mess that this chick, it's siblings and parents made of his bathroom! Whoa - what a stink... Then again, I had barked out to him that birds were in and out the house wall cavity through a hole that had been left by an old outlet pipe several weeks before. Reckon he thought that some well meaning passer-by was going to see the hole and think, "Oh, that house has a hole in it's wall. I must go and get some cement and block it up!" Yeah, right... Add to this the fact that the cowboys who fitted the new bathroom suite had left a huge hole behind the washbasin pedestal and you can probably figure out the rest.

Oh - fear not, I made sure he put the chick back with its parents and so far as we know it was fine.

If Gordon must play that weird rock music stuff so often, I wish he would at least turn the volume down a bit. And isn't it about time someone told that Thin Lizzy woman to quit smoking, or clear her throat, or something? She sounds like a bloke!

Why can't he get some nice Bark, or Wagger...? Maybe I should consider a leg up against his LP collection?

I have to say, I normally hate it as much as any other dog when the family album gets pulled out and the "Oooohhs" and "Aaaahhs" start at the sight of the puppy photos. Equally, however, I have to admit that I was quite the suave pup about town in my younger days and turned many a bitch's head. I wasn't always a worldly wise old cynic, you know.

Just as an aside, if I remember rightly, this photo was taken on the very same day that I first chewed a pair of Gordon's shoelaces. Ahhh...memories of puppyish exuberance always bring a chuckle and a good feeling!

Well, my new found friends in computer land, I think that's enough character assassination of Gordon - at least for now. I am off to watch some quality TV while I get a chance. I think there's a Lassie movie on soon (tasty bitch, that Lassie, isn't she? ;) ) At least it'll make a change from watching hour upon hour of groups of grown men, out on a boat on the sea, dangling sticks with string tied to the end of them over the side...

Hope you've enjoyed these random thoughts and images of doggy life. If you want to leave me some fan mail, I promise to read it the next time Gordon pops out and leaves his computer "safely" unattended...